You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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