i think i have herpe
just one?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
