Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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