i think i have two assholes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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