Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize