i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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