I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
