sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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