Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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