Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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