grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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