I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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