On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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