I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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