why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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