birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
