Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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