i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
