i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
