Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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