we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
