these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize