The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
