You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
