peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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