dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Green mimosas i think yes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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