omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
