capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize