Acid is not a monday night drug
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
