You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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