Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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