she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
