You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
