Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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