you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize