Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
