I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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