i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
