he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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