Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
