woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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