I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
