Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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