I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize