Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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