Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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