loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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