They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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