hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
