I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
