He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize