Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
