i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
