How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
