One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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