It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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