glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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