Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
