just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She bit a glass in half.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
