Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
