she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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