if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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