He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
