I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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