he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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