I want to have your abortion
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
