You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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