i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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