yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
