The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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