Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
