is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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