why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
