you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
