Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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