I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
