What a fucking waste of an outfit
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
