we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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